


Let's Be Lonely Together

by Havanar



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Flashbacks, Hospitalization, Jealousy, Keith's scar, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pillow Talk, Pilot Error, Pining, Reunions, Rivalry, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, hurt keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-02 19:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15803247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Havanar/pseuds/Havanar
Summary: Keith, in red and white armour, stumbles back into James Griffin's life five years after he disappeared.Or the story of how James and Keith found, lost, then found each other again.Written for James and Keith week on tumblr, all chapters can be read as standalone or as one longer story.Day One: ConfessionsDay Two: NightmaresDay Three: SpaceDay Four: LionDay Five: ShiroDay Six: MutualDay Seven: Garrison Days





	1. Falling For You

**Author's Note:**

> All of these chapters were written for [James and Keith Week](https://jamesandkeith.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, please check out the blog I'm so excited for all the jeith fics!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one: Confessions
> 
> James doesn't mean to confess to Keith just days after they're reunited. Keith doesn't expect to realise that he feels the same.
> 
> Set during Voltron season7ep9 (minor spoilers)

Keith is bone tired by the time they’ve piled into the Garrison issued vehicle. He’s had a tension headache since they landed on earth, pressing into his temples and it had only gotten worse as he sat through endless meetings with Garrison officials. He’d thought a mission to find Hunk’s parents would clear it up. Some fresh air, away from the stifling off white hallways of the Garrison. But then James had caught up with them, and Keith’s headache had doubled in force.

Hunk is silent in the back of the car, he hadn’t uttered a word since vowing to save his parents. Keith is in the front seat, next to James and he lets his eyes slide over him. He’s taller now. They used to be the same height, but now James has a couple of inches on him. His face has slimmed, his features sharper now. His driving is steady, but he’s gripping the steering wheel so tightly that Keith can see the veins on the backs of his hands. He’s been as tense as Keith had been the entire mission.

James pulls the car into The Garrison facility, pulling the hand break up with a jerk. Hunk is the first to jump out, Keith follows him quickly. He’d rather not be alone in close quarters with James, not tonight.

“Thanks guys.” Hunk says, he looks embarrassed, rubbing the inside of one wrist with his thumb. “I’m glad I got to see my parents. Even if we couldn’t help them this time.” He adds hesitantly.

“No problem, Hunk.” Veronica says, giving him an easy smile, and Hunk grins back.

Keith wonders if they knew each other, before all of this. Before pilot error, before Voltron, before the Galra attacked. Or if their easy connection is because so much of Lance is also in Veronica. He’s never been great with people, but even Keith can recognise their similarities; their smiles, their absolute care for others.

“But you should eat something, Hunk.” Veronica adds after a beat, pulling Hunk away by the shoulder. “And then to bed.” Keith hears her add, Hunk gives him a quick glance, a half smile, as he lets Veronica haul him towards the kitchens.

And then it’s just Keith and James. Alone, in the giant Garrison hanger. It’s lined with cars, with wheels large enough to handle any terrain. The jets are at the very back, the ones James and the other MFE Pilots fly, loom over the rest of them creating long shadows. Keith is hit with a sudden need to run, to get out of this situation as fast as possible, but Hunk and Veronica are already gone.

He glances back at James, who’s watching him with folded arms and arched eyebrows.

He looks anywhere but his eyes.

“I-I should go, too.” He stammers out, his voice weaker than he would have liked.

 _Come on. Some leader of Voltron. You can’t even look him in the eye._ The voice in the back of his head taunts.

But James reaches out, a split second faster than Keith can react, his hand gripping Keith’s upper arm like a vice.

“No.” He says, his voice low, moving into Keith’s space, crowding him, so close that Keith can smell his aftershave. He recognises it.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me.” James says as Keith wrenches his arm out of his grip, finally meeting his gaze.

“What do you want, Griffin?” He asks, trying to put as much distance between them with his tone, his choice of name. He hasn't called him that for years. It hadn't taken long for him to fall into using James' given name, not after everything. The steely expression on James’ face flickers for an instant, before his mouth returns to a hard line.

Keith had been trying to avoid James since they returned to the Garrison. He’d tried to leave James behind on Earth as he and the other Paladins, crammed inside the cockpit of a blue mechanical lion, shot into space. It had worked, for the most part. James had become a distant memory, so apart from his life as a Paladin that it became difficult to reconcile who he _was_ with James to who he is now.

But since he’d crashed back to Earth, crashed back practically into James, he’d tried to avoid his gaze. He’d tried to avoid letting his eyes trace the shape of his body through the MFE uniform.

They hadn’t exchanged words alone yet. Both too caught up in meetings and duties and missions.

“I want to know where you’ve been.” James says and Keith can feel the anger rising inside his chest at the words. Can feel the way James has already got back under his skin, like the dirt under his fingernails.

“I’ve been fighting in an intergalactic space war, piloting a giant flying lion, to try and stop the Galra from invading this planet and hundreds of others.” He spits out.

James just looks him up and down. Keith knows that it’s not the right answer. He knows it’s not what James is asking, not really.

Keith holds his gaze, not willing to be the first to break away. Not for James. Not today.

“Where were you Keith?” James asks, emotion cracking open his words, his hard, leader of the MFE's, second best pilot in the Garrison, top of the class, facade breaking right in front of Keith’s very eyes. James had always been the strong one in this, whatever sat between them. He'd been the one to try to pick up Keith's pieces after Shiro, after pilot error. But now their positions have switched. And It's Keith's fault.

“Why did you disappear?” James tries again, the words tumbling out of his mouth hard and fast, his hands finding purchase on Keith’s shoulders, clutching tightly to the paladin armour, shaking him lightly.

“The Garrison said you had been expelled, but you disappeared, there was no way to contact you, and it was right after we-” but Keith can’t let him continue, can’t let him spill the contents of their shared past onto a hanger floor.

He can’t hear it, not from James. Not today.

Not when so much has already been found and lost. His mother, found, but then left on an unknown planet to rebuild the Blades. Shiro, lost and then found. And then found again. His father, dead. Any hope of happiness he had on Earth, sabotaged with a punch to Iverson’s face.

“I ran away!” Keith cuts him off. His own breath coming out heavy. James looks momentarily shocked, pulling back slightly at Keith’s outburst.

“I ran, okay?” He continues, his voice louder than he wants it to be. But he can’t seem to speak any quieter. His emotions won’t let him.

“I couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle pilot error, couldn’t handle being alone again. I never fit in here, James. So I left.”

But that wasn’t entirely true. He couldn’t let himself be happy. He hadn’t deserved it. Hadn’t deserved those few night of happiness. Not after pilot error. Not when Shiro was dead. He hadn’t deserved to get close to someone. Every time he did they had ended up dead.

“You left me.” James says, his voice raw from five years of pain.

And Keith is caught off guard by it. By an unsure and vulnerable James. It’s such a contrast from the James he knew. The one who could match him in fire. The only one who could match him in piloting. The only person who could shout as loud as he could; who could throw a punch as hard as he could. The only one who could kiss the fire in him into softness…

“I know.” Keith feels himself say. His throat feels like sandpaper, and it hurts him to speak.

James looks older now, Keith can still recognise him, despite the differences. He’s taller and his shoulders have filled out.  But his eyes are the same, filled with the same determination. It almost burns into Keith as James meets his eyes again. They’re inches apart, the tension between them dissipating into something low and dangerous. The end of a match before it’s been lit. Full of potential. But not ready to explode just yet.

“I was falling for you.” James says softly.

And then he moves forward, hands moving towards Keith’s face, gripping it lightly between them, thumb tracing the scar on his right cheek.

“Tell me to stop.” James says, so softly that Keith’s not sure if he was even meant to hear it.

But he doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t want James to stop.

Chapped lips meet his, and Keith responds instantly, his own mouth moulding to fit James’ like two puzzle pieces.

James takes a step forward until Keith is against the Garrison car, his body pressing against Keith’s until all Keith can think is:

_James James James._

All he can feel is James. And he lets himself become engulfed in it, lets the fire take him.

Because, if he’s telling the truth, he had been falling too.


	2. Sleepless Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Two: Nightmares.  
> James wakes up to Keith in the midst of a nightmare.

James Griffin has become a light sleeper since the invasion of Earth. He used to sleep like the dead, used to set four alarms every morning. Once, before an exam, he had paid Kinkade to knock on his door until he woke up, just in case. But now, now that he’s an MFE Pilot, one of the few able to fly the MFE Jets, the only things powerful enough to even have a chance against a Galra fighter, he sleeps lightly.

He’s used to being woken up for a mission in the dead of night. Used to being called on for a meeting in the early hours of the morning. He catches sleep when he can. He’d spent his childhood pouring over books about the ocean (he’s always wanted to explore, but space won out in the end) and now he wishes that he could sleep with one half of his brain at a time, like a dolphin.

He wakes up the moment Keith starts to shift next to him. It’s been years since he shared a bed with Keith, with anyone, and the movement surprises him a little.

He opens his eyes slowly, turning over as something, Keith’s arm, moves against his back. Keith’s face is pale, clammy. He can see beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He shifts, nudging Keith’s shoulder slowly.

“Keith, wake up.” He says softly.

Keith wakes up with a gasp, his eyes flying open, pupils blown wide as he takes in his surroundings. One of his hands raises to his face, feeling the skin of his right cheek. Tracing the scar that sits there. He does that now, James had noticed, traces the scar when he's anxious.

Now that he’d had time to look, time to take Keith in, James had noticed a multitude of differences between the Keith who left the Garrison and the Keith who had returned in red and white armour. He was taller; he held himself straighter. He had more bulk to his previously scrawny frame. His hair was a little longer, but still just as messy. He looked more sure of himself; met the eyes of those he spoke to more often. But the scar, that had been the first thing James had noticed, it had caught his eye through the visor of Keith’s helmet, peeking out from behind a lock of hair. He’d tried not to stare as he’d ordered the Paladins out of the area.

He’d tried not to stare again when Keith had hopped out of Rizavi’s vehicle without his helmet. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself from taking in the extent of the scar, stretching from his chin to just under his eye. He’d let himself trace it last night, in the darkness of the hanger, and again when Keith was under him, all pale against the dark grey of the Garrison sheets. Keith hadn’t seemed to notice, hadn’t flinched at his touch.

He reaches out for Keith’s hands, pulling them away from his face and moves a little closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. The tiny competitive part of him is a little happy that he’s still taller than Keith. Keith is stiff at first, so he begins to gently rub circles into the small of his back. Keith melts into it almost instantly, his shoulders relaxing and breathing out a sigh. James can’t help but grin. He’d had the exact same response almost four years ago.

“Bad dream?” He asks after Keith’s breathing evens out again. He feels Keith nod against him in response.

James had never been very good with comfort. He was an only child, no younger siblings to practice on. He’d tried with Keith, in the aftermath of pilot error, but that hadn’t exactly gone smoothly. Keith had left anyway.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks quietly, shifting Keith a little closer with the hand on his waist. Keith lets him reposition them both, moving so that he can use James’ bicep as a pillow. When he’s done Keith shakes his head. He looks calmer now, at least. His eyes are half open, watching James.

“Okay.” James says, he’s on his side, facing Keith with one hand trapped under his head.

“Let’s talk about something else then.” He uses his free hand to trace Keith’s scar lightly. “How did you get this?” He asks quietly and Keith half breaths, half laughs.

“That’s what the dream was about.” He says quietly. James feels his cheeks flush.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, embarrassment flooding him.

“We don’t have to talk about it. It’s fine.” He adds quickly.

Keith can be like a wild cat sometimes, one wrong move and he’ll run and James really doesn’t want him to run today. He really doesn’t want to wake up to a cold empty bed, ever again, if he can help it.

Keith doesn’t answer him straight away, his eyes fall closed again, like he’s having a hard time staying awake. James had noticed the dark circles under his eyes earlier on their mission. He’d been introduced to Iverson, Sanda, and the other commanding officers, as the leader of Voltron. _He must be working hard._ He thinks to himself.

“It doesn’t look bad though.” James says absentmindedly. “It kind of suits you.”

Keith smiles against his arm, his eyes closed.

“Thanks.” He says, James feels the words against his skin more than he hears them.

He wraps his other arm around Keith in a lose hug before closing his own eyes.


	3. Three Times Keith Tried to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Three: Space.  
> Keith had tried to leave James behind three times.

Keith had tried to leave James Griffin three times.

The first time had been painful and ugly. They’d ended up in James dorm room, the mirror image of Keith’s own, pulling at one another’s shirts. Keith’s hands had been fisted in James’ hair moments before. He’d pulled away with red lips, a mark on his shoulder, and had tried to distance himself from James. First with words.

“We shouldn’t do this.”  

“I can’t do this.”

But James had only pulled him closer, reassuring him with warm hands and the press of lips to his hair. He’d tried to distance himself from James physically after that, tried to avoid him. But the Garrison was only so big. And James stuck to him like the desert sand he couldn’t seem to shake from his sneakers.

The second time Keith had left the Garrison and everyone who knew him behind. He’d left in the dead of night, leaving only a note. He’d known it was the end of his time at the Garrison. You don’t accuse the authorities of murder, of covering up a death, of conspiracy, and then punch a commander and get to stay. He’d tried to leave his thoughts of James at the Garrison with the note, retreating to a shack in the desert.

The shack was old, not connected to electricity, standing alone from civilisation. Keith hadn’t realised until he got there just how loud silence could be. All his thoughts, of Shiro, (dead in space, alone) of James (moving on at the Garrison without him), had fallen on him, like the clouds opening for the much needed torrential downpour in the heat of summer. The shack was so quiet, he couldn’t find any shelter and he toyed with the idea of returning, of reaching out to James.

The third time had been in the cockpit of a giant Blue Lion, hurtling faster than anything the Garrison had ever produced, into the depths of space. He’d promised himself, right then and there, that he wouldn’t think of James again.

The third time he succeeds in leaving James Griffin behind. It only took the stars, the endless universes and the black holes, to separate them.

So he’s surprised, when the memory the Quantum Abyss decides to pull from the depths of his mind is one of James.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It had been four months and three days since Keith had found his mother. A tall, impossibly strong, Galra named Krolia whose features mirrored his own. He’d always wondered why he didn’t look more like his father, why he didn’t share the same square face shape, the same nose or eyes. It hadn’t occurred to him that he could look so much like the mother he couldn’t remember.

Four months and three days since they’d entered the Quantum Abyss, finding home on the back of, what looked to Keith like a giant whale. He’s marked the days off on the side of the cave he and his mother have called home for the past few months.

Of all things Keith has seen in space, the Quantum Abyss is the most spectacular. The sky from the whale, the inside of the Abyss, is painted an array of colours. In the distance are dark stars, creating holes in the bursts of colour. It’s something he’ll never get used to. Along with the sharp bursts of energy, shooting their way through the Abyss, illuminating the sky as they pull the stars in different directions; pulling Keith and his mother into one another’s pasts and futures with it.

“Time collapses this close to dark stars. Going through the light triggers glimpses of the past and the future.” Krolia had said the first time it happened.

On the back of the whale they’re shielded, a little, from the time collapses, as they’ve begun to call them. But not always. He’s seen glimpses of his mothers past, of the past she shared with his father. She’s caught shots of his own childhood, sometimes of his time as a Paladin. The last collapse had brought him back to the Blade of Marmora trials. It had pushed him back into the endless fighting, the splitting pain in his shoulder. Krolia always wore the same expression after seeing his memories, something akin to pity, pain, regret. Sometimes they spoke about the memories, sometimes they ignored them altogether.

The abyss had seemed to grasp at the bigger, more important, life changing memories first… his birth, his father’s death… and then it began to pick at the smaller things, conversations with Blade members. Keith taking the Garrison entrance exam.

So he’s shocked when the next collapse pulls him back into an orange and white uniform. A secluded corner of the Garrison, hidden behind a patch of trees. He’s sitting next to a taller boy with sharp eyes and short brown hair. He still feels the urge to run his fingers through it, after all these years.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I am sorry,” James says, “about Shiro.”

And Keith feels the pain all over again, the devastating, _he’s gone. He’s never coming back. He’s left you too. Pilot error._ He feels the tears prick at his eyes, they hurt from too much rubbing, and clenches his fists. But James reaches out, placing a hand around his fist, unclenching it for Keith slowly.

This is the first time they’ve spoken without exploding like gunshots, without flinging words at one another like shrapnel. The first time Keith hasn’t resorted to fists when James speaks. A tiny part of him wants to throw a punch at James, wants him to shut up, to not say Shiro’s name again. But it’s tired. He’s tired. Tired from the grief hitting him like a wave, dampening any embers he had left.

Keith nods. He can’t bring himself to do anything else. He doesn’t want to open his mouth, just in case he ruins everything. He reaches up and rubs at his eyes instead, removing the hand from James’ grip.

“I know he meant a lot to you.” James continues. “I’m sorry, about everything I said.” And a memory flickers in the back of Keith’s mind.

_We all know the only reason you’re here is because of Shiro._

He’d given James a black eye that day. James had sprained his wrist in return.

_Keith, you can do this. I will never give up on you._ Shiro had said, right after that fight.

“He was the last person.” Keith chokes out after a beat of silence. He knows James is watching him, his face and body turned towards Keith’s. But Keith keeps his gaze on his knees. “The last person who wouldn’t give up on me.” He finishes. And it hurts to say. Because it’s true. Shiro was the last person who gave a damn, and now he’s gone too.

It’s been a month. A month of pilot error brandished over all the tv screens. A month of the Garrison tarnishing Shiro’s name, raking it through the mud. A month of Adam, Shiro’s boyfriend- widow?, pushing him away, telling him “Just leave it Keith. He’s gone.”. A month of screaming at his teachers, a month of disbelief and anger and more sadness than he thought he would ever feel again.

James’ hand reaches back out, grabbing onto Keith’s again, holding it tightly with two hands.

“What if I say I won’t give up on you?” James asks, his voice shaky and Keith meets his eyes for the first time today. They’re earnest, a deep comforting brown, looking back at him. It reminds him of Shiro, somehow. Softer, maybe.

“What if we call a truce? You’re not okay, Keith.” He says, speaking slowly, as if he’s talking to a wounded animal.

“What if we look out for each other? We don’t need to be friends.”

“Friends would be nice.” Keith feels himself say.

Shiro would have wanted that. He’d always said how alike he and James were. He’d always said that they could make a good team.

James blinks back at him. Processing for a second before he settles into a small smile.

“Yeah, okay, friends.” He says.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Keith is pulled back to the Quantum Abyss with a jerk. He always feels like the air has been knocked out of him after a time collapse, but this time it’s like he’s been pushed into cold water, and he’s gasping for air. The Abyss only pulled him into one memory, but it pushed him back out into the sea, bringing back the other memories of James. The touches, the kisses, the conversations muttered in the dark. And it brings back the ache, the loss, too. Because he didn’t just lose Shiro that summer. He lost James too.

Krolia is looking at him, eyebrows raised, he can see the questions on her mind already, the sadness in her eyes.

Keith hadn’t thought about James Griffin since leaving Earth, until now.


	4. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Four: Lion  
> Keith introduces James to the Black Lion. And things get a little intimate.
> 
> AKA is kissing allowed inside the Lion's?

“This is Black.” Keith says, looking up at the ship -Lion sitting in front of them.

“And Black, forms the head of Voltron?” James asks, slightly unsure of himself. The whole thing still sounds crazy, even though he’s seen Voltron in action, seen it transform from five giant-robot-lion-shaped-ships into one. Hell, he’s seen the IGX-Atlus transform into an even bigger robot before his very eyes. He already suspended all belief when purple aliens attacked and took over Earth, why stop there.

“Yeah. We all pilot Voltron together, but it’s like I have the most control?” Keith says, turning back to him with a grin.

“Wanna see inside?” he asks.

James knows that grin, there’s a challenge in there, and he’s never been one to turn down one of Keith’s challenges. Not even when the Black lion towering over them leans down and Keith walks straight into its mouth.

There’s a metaphor about Keith walking into danger waiting in the back of his mind, but he ignores it, following Keith up.

The Black Lion’s cockpit is bathed in low purple lighting, the display is wide, but not 360 like his fighter. There are at least 10 screens, each holding information in an alphabet he can’t decipher. Keith places a hand on one of the controls. It doesn’t look like the one he uses to control the fighter at all, there’s one at either side of the pilot seat, protruding from the ground.

“Hey girl.” Keith says quietly, and a few more screens light up in response. James swears he can hear a faint growl.

_Nope. Not today._

“Down girl, he’s with me.” Keith says, smiling at the console in front of him.

“It- she- talks to you?” he can’t help but ask, unable to take his eyes off Keith.

“Yeah, of course.” Keith says, like it’s the most natural thing.

“Red, I flew her first, was more talkative.” He adds as an afterthought.

There’s a second growl, louder this time, and James watches Keith’s brows knit together in worry.

“I’m fine now.” He says. “It’s fine. I just bumped my head.”

“Is she talking to you about the crash?” he can’t help but ask. It’s been three weeks since the battle for Earth. Two since Keith woke up after the Black Lion crashed to Earth. Four since their first kiss in almost four years. Four weeks since the last time he kissed Keith. He lets his gaze trail to Keith’s mouth, his neck, hidden partially by the Garrison uniform.

“Yeah. She was worried.” Keith answers with a shrug. “But I’m fine now.”

James knows that isn’t true. He knows that Keith still has a broken finger, taped to another for support. He knows that there are broken ribs under the orange uniform and a bump on his head, just above his left eye.

“Want to try the pilot’s chair?” Keith asks, cocking his head to the side with a confident smile.

“Uh, sure.” James says, moving forward to the pilot’s seat. He’s not sure why Keith suggested it. _Is he going to challenge me to fly this thing?_ He wonders absentmindedly as he takes the seat, reaching out for the controls. It’s nothing like he’s ever flown before, all of the controls are so different, and the size.

He can’t imagine navigating this thing. But he doesn’t have to because Keith slips past the controls and places a knee in-between the arm rest and James’ thigh. And he can’t think of anything but Keith’s thighs against his as Keith does the same with his other leg, lowering himself onto James’ lap. He can’t think of anything but the warm body just sitting in his lap. He can’t stop himself from surging up to meet Keith as arms wrap around his neck, his own hands finding their way to Keith’s waist, pulling him down.

When their lips meet it’s urgent and heavy. Keith pants into his mouth, shifting on top of him and James moves his mouth down his neck. Devouring every piece of Keith he can take. He leaves small marks where he can, just under the collar of the Garrison uniform. _He’ll have to keep it buttoned up until they fade._ He thinks to himself. Keith pulls back after the third mark, meeting his eyes, his lips red, cheeks flushed.

“Bastard.” He mutters before diving back for James’ lips. James just grins into the kiss, knowing he’s won this round.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They leave the Black Lion with ruffled clothes, flushed cheeks and red lips.

“Have you kissed a lot of boys in there kogane?” James asks as they leave the hanger. Keith elbows him, his cheeks turning a striking shade of scarlet.


	5. Second Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Five: Shiro.  
> James waits for Keith to wake up.
> 
> Set after the events of S7ep13 (spoilers)

James had escaped the battle for Earth relatively unscathed. He'd lead the MFE’s in assisting Voltron and the IGF-Atlus in their fight with Sendak. The second battle, the one with the mysterious alien technology, a ship more powerful than Voltron and twice its size, had left everyone shaken. The MFE Jets had been useless against the towering white piece of technology, barely causing more harm than a fly.

So they’d been called off. Called back to watch the rest of the fight from solid ground.

James had watched as Voltron was thrown to the ground, the Lion taking hit after hit. He’d watched as the Atlus turned into something new and unprecedented, it’s own being, bigger than Voltron. He’d watched as Voltron dealt the final blow.

He’d felt his heart speed up, his panic rise, as he realised the machine wasn’t done with them yet. Realised that there was a self destruct mechanism.

And then he’d watched as the Lions lifted the machine, the Black Lion taking the brunt of the weight beyond the Earth’s atmosphere, saving the rest of them.

And he’d felt his heart drop with the Black Lion as it plummeted, with Keith still inside, back to Earth at impossible speeds.

The Black Lion had landed the closest to the Garrison, bringing a discarded watch tower down with it. It had taken hours for rescue teams to break down the rubble and pull its Paladin out.

It took two days for all of the Paladins to return to the Garrison, the Blue Lion landing the furthest, just off the coast.

All five Paladins had been brought to the Garrison infirmary, the official line was that they were recovering well from strain and minor injuries.

James knew that was bullshit.

He'd tried to fight his way into the ward a few nights later, unable to stop himself. It had been three nights since the fight, since Keith was pulled from the debris of the Black Lion’s crash site and he’d heard nothing.

“Just let me see Kogane.” He practically spits at the security guard. He doesn't know why the Paladins needed security, why the hospital even needs it. The security guard doesn't respond to him this time, doesn't even meet his eyes. He's taller than James, broader too. No way would he get past, even if he did know the security code to the door. 

“This is a restricted area.” The guard repeats slowly, as if James is stupid and not one of the best pilots the Garrison has left.

“And why is that?” He asks, leaning back slightly to look the guard in the eyes.

He could try and force his way through, try to take the guard down. But unlike the guard, he doesn't have a weapon. Or the security code. He’d probably lose any future opportunity of seeing Keith too.

“Why don’t you want us seeing the Paladins of Voltron? Is Kogane awake?” he tries instead. But he doesn't get a chance to finish before-

“Cadet!” Someone calls from behind him, he whips around, it's a trained reaction now, to a grey uniform, a head of white hair, a scar across the bridge of a nose.

_Shirogane._

Shirogane places a hand on James’ shoulder, leading him gently away. James doesn't miss the nod he gives to the guard, but he follows. Even if James doesn't like him, Shirogane is still a superior officer. They end up in the canteen, Shirogane dropping himself into a chair, looking at James expectantly until he does the same. 

Shirogane’s hair is a bright, striking white now. But it doesn’t make him look older. If anything he looks just as young as the Shirogane in the photographs, just as young as the Shirogane James remembers from his early days as a cadet. He folds his arms, letting himself sit at ease. Shirogane hasn't given him an order yet.

When he'd first joined the Garrison he had admired Officer Takashi Shirogane. The Garrison’s golden boy. The best pilot in a decade. He’d hated Keith, partly for his relationship with Shirogane.

That illusion had cracked after pilot error. After Shirogane had, apparently, piloted the Kerberos mission into failure. It had cracked even more after he’d struck up a friendship with Keith. After he’d watched Keith lose himself in grief, in the despair of losing _Shiro_. He’d tried to help, offering Keith friendship, and then more. He’d thought it was working, Keith calmed down when they were together. Hidden behind the walls of his dorm room he was softer, vulnerable. But then he’d watched Keith throw away his place at the Garrison for Shirogane’s memory, leaving James behind too.

“Piloting Voltron,” Shiro begins, rubbing his temples with his human hand, “isn’t like piloting a fighter jet, or one of the MFE Jets. It takes your everything. It uses everything.”

“So?” He asks, trying to keep his voice even. This was the first time he’d spoken to Shirogane alone since he, Keith, and the other Paladins had returned to earth.

“So, that fight put their bodies under immense stress.” Shiro continues and James wants to stand up, knock the table between them over, grab Shirogane by the collar and shout:  _What about the time you put Keith under immense stress? What about the time you died, left Keith, left him here, broken without anyone to pick up the pieces?_

But he keeps his mouth closed. Purses his lips together, just in case the words boiling in his chest break free.

“And they need to be kept under observation.” Shiro finishes, meeting James’ gaze.

So he switches tracks “Injuries?” He asks. It's curt, straight to the point. He doesn't want to dance around the facts with Shirogane. He just wants, deserves, to know. They would have told the other Paladin’s families this information. Keith didn’t have anyone besides himself and Shirogane waiting for him.

“Keith’s injuries?” Shirogane asks, looking a little taken aback.

James nods. He doesn't dare open his mouth. Just in case some of the anger finds it's way out of his chest.

“I didn’t realise you two were so close.”

_No, of course you didn’t. You were dead. It was only you dying that brought Keith to me._ He wants to say. But he doesn't. Because a part of him, a tiny, nagging voice, wants to know why Shirogane doesn't know about him and Keith.

Keith had left the Garrison, disappearing into the night. James had searched for him for a while but it was like a signal that had gone dead. Like Keith had fizzled out, like his rage had finally burst and taken him with it. He’d assumed Keith had wanted to leave him, along with the Garrison. But then Keith had returned, with Shirogane,  and he’d assumed that Keith had told Shirogane everything. He hadn’t expected their friendship, their relationship, to become a secret from Shirogane.

“We were.” He says through gritted teeth. Not wanting to give Shirogane any more. Shirogane already knew so much of Keith, if this was something solely between them he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to keep this part of Keith, the soft mummers in his ear late at night, the hands fisted in his hair, to himself.

Shiro watches him for a moment, looking him up and down, as if James’ name badge would give him a hint; _James Griffin. Ex-Best friend/Boyfriend_. And then Shirogane  sighs, his face softening, relaxing into that of a tired, worried, friend.

“I’m glad,” He finally says. “That he had someone looking out for him down here.”

James feels his cheeks flush, moving his gaze down to his hands, clasped in front of him on the table. He had looked out for Keith, for the months between pilot error and his disappearance. But there had been a year between that and his departure from Earth, between that and the first time Shiro returned.

“He doesn’t talk about the year I wasn’t here.” Shiro continues. “I was worried that he spent it alone.”

James can’t fight the lump building in his throat, the self loathing he'd felt when Keith had disappeared and he hadn't been able to find him. He had shared that worry. It had torn him up inside for a while. He’d been angry, at first. Angry that Keith had left without a word to him. And then worried. Worried that he was alone, that he would hurt himself, that he was dead. But then Shirogane had crashed back to Earth in an alien ship and three cadets had disappeared after breaking him out. He’d seen the footage from the break in. He’d seen the fourth member of that entourage. Had recognised the hair first, slightly too long at the back. Then the lean arms, and finally the fierce eyes peeking out from behind a bandanna.

“He did.” James says slowly, meeting Shiro’s gaze. Shiro doesn’t look surprised. Just disappointed.

He lets the confirmation sit between them, and James takes the moment to study Shirogane’s face again. The scar across his nose is deep, like the one that now sat on Keith’s cheek. He has more muscle now too, James had heard about Shirogane’s stint in Galra captivity. Maybe the scar had been gained then. Or maybe it was a newer addition.

“Keith sustained a head injury.” Shirogane finally says and James’ head jerks up, but Shirogane didn't stop there, reeling the injuries off.

“He also broke three ribs, one puncturing his lung. He’s broken a finger, the middle finger on his left hand.” It’s too methodical, James knows that if he asks him to clarify which ribs had been broken that Shirogane would be able to tell him.

“He’s been patched up, the punctured lung wasn’t as serious as it could’ve been. He’s on oxygen right now."

“The head injury?” James asks slowly. He’d heard that Keith came out of that crash unconscious. One of the pilots in his class had crashed once. He’d been knocked out, lying in the crushed jet when they found him. Head injury. He’d never returned to the Garrison.

“He was going in and out of consciousness when we brought him out of Black.” James tried not to imagine it. Keith, not all there, unable to keep his eyes open. Blood trailing down the side of his head.

“He was nauseous, confused. His pupils were different sizes.” Shirogane’s voice finally cracks on the last word, punctuating his clinical description for the first time.

“He’s sleeping now. We’re waiting for him to wake up on his own.”

James nods, unsure of what to do with the information, before standing up, the chair legs screeching against the floor behind him.

“Thank you, Commander.” He says. “Please let me know when I can see him.” He adds, before leaving.

When he gets back to his dorm room he splashes cold water on his face. It's the kind of cold that hurts. But he needs to feel it, needs to keep himself grounded. So that he can' get rid of the image of Keith, unconscious, unable to wake up, out of his head.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Keith wakes up four days later.

Shiro was the one to pass along the message. James didn’t even bother to respond, walking as fast as possible without breaking into a run.

It's late, there's barely anyone in the corridors. Shiro’s speech, the memorial service for those lost in the final battle had raised morale inside the Garrison. The other MFE Pilots and members of his class were out celebrating, reuniting with their families, thanking God that they were alive.

This time the guard at the door lets him through after a quick identity check. He makes a mental note to thank Shirogane for giving him clearance before storming through to the room marked Kogane.

The door is a ajar, and he doesn't stop, but he knocks anyway, more of a warning than a question. The walls are painted a bright white, like all the others in the Garrison. It's bare except for a bed and some medical equipment. In the dim of the evening he can make out Keith’s shape under the covers. The bandage wrapped around his head is a bright white compared to his dark hair. There's gauze , and more bandages on his arms. Wires protrude from his forearms and the back of his hands, feeding him, monitoring him. His eyes are closed in sleep, his face peaceful, relaxed.

James had only seen Keith sleep a few times before, the first time had been after an extensive underage drinking session. The second had been after a night spent together. Keith had collapsed onto him, and James had run his fingers through his hair until they were both breathing softly. The most recent had been after their kiss in the hanger. James had led Keith back to his room, and Keith had collapsed into him again, his lips trailing down the side of his neck, his hands gliding over James’ body.

He reaches out for Keith’s hair once again, carding fingers through it, careful to avoid the bandages. He’d wanted to do this since their reunion, since Keith had taken off the Paladin helmet. He’d wanted to make sure that it was really Keith, that his hair was still just as soft.

Keith’s chest comes alive at the touch, taking in a deep breath, opening his eyes slowly, squinting up at James.

“Hey sleepy.” He murmurs, keeping his voice low so as not to startle Keith.

“Hey.” Keith responds, his voice comes out rough from lack of use, but his lips turn upward in a small smile. He makes no effort to sit up, but a hand reaches for James’ latching onto his fingers.

“How are you feeling?” James asks, perching on the edge of the bed.

“Bad.” Keith croaks out and James can't help but laugh.

“Yeah, you were pretty banged up.”

Keith nods, his grip slacking.

James goes back to running his fingers through Keith’s hair. It's more intimate than they’ve been in years. They haven't had the time to discuss anything since that kiss in the back of the Garrison hanger. since that night. They’d shared a few glances, James had longed to reach out and grab Keith, give himself some reassurance that he was really there, that he was back. But he hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it.

Keith opens his eyes intermittently, sometimes he speaks, asks a question. _What day is it? How long was I out? Are the others okay? Where’s Mom?_ The last question worries James a little, he’ll bring it up with the doctor in the morning. Most of the time the sight of James seems to be enough.

“How's… Shiro?” He asks finally, eyelids falling shut while he waits for the answer, while James shifts uncomfortably.

“He’s fine. He wasn’t hurt.” He finally says..

If the words came out abruptly Keith didn’t seem to notice.

“Thank God.” Keith says.

James didn’t respond. But he keeps running his fingers through Keith’s hair, enjoying the moment. Because he knew he’d always be second to Shirogane. And that one day he’ll lose Keith to him again.


	6. It's Mutual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Six: Mutual.  
> James learns that Keith resembles his mother, that he doesn't know what a selfie is and, a few more things.

A few days after Keith has been discharged from the Garrison infirmary, a few days after a make out session in a giant mechanical lion, Iverson hands James a phone.

It’s the latest model, Garrison designed. The processor is just as powerful as what they use to fly the fighters. It’s signal can reach the colonies on Mars. James should know, he has the same one.

“You’ll see Kogane later, right?” Iverson asks him.

He gives a nod.

“Pass that along then.” Iverson continues. “It has all the connections he’ll need, important documents too. The other Paladins have their own.” He adds.

“I’ll give it to him, Sir.” He says, taking the phone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He finds Keith at the flight simulator, the image is hauntingly familiar. James can still remember being fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and watching a smaller Keith obliterate Shirogane’s records repeatedly, his face stony in concentration the entire time as he jad moved the simulator’s controls like they were extensions of his own body.

Today there is a woman standing at Keith’s side. She’s tall, with purple skin and James takes a moment to steady himself.

Since the battle for Earth had been won, Earth had become a hub of communications for the voltron alliance. An array of aliens had landed and helped to rebuild, shared their information and technology. James was still trying to get his head around seeing, well, aliens. Amongst them had been a few Galra. The Blade of Marmora, they’d called themselves. A resistance group. _She must be one of them._ He thinks.

Keith and the galra woman look like they’re deep in conversation, she’s leaning over his shoulder, a hand resting on it. _Are they close?_ He wonders. He can’t see her face from here, he can’t see Keith’s either. He tries to push the jealousy forming in the pit of his stomach back down.

_Keith is gay._ He reminds himself.

Keith had told him so. Five years ago, he had been perched on James’ bed when he’d blurted it out.

“I don’t like girls, James.” He’d said, looking up at him from under his unkempt bangs. James had felt the relief wash over him with the knowledge that their kiss the night before, on top of the Garrison, hadn’t meant nothing.

“That-that’s fine.” He’d stammered back.

Then he’d taken a deep breath and said “Me neither.”

Keith had been the first person he’d told, even before his parents.

Of course, Shirogane had been the first person Keith had told. Before pilot error.

The simulation comes to an end, _Success._ Appears onto the screen, followed by _New Record._ James had recognised the course, it was one of the newer ones, programmed for himself and the other MFEs. Sixteen year old James would have been angry, envious, when Keith Kogane broke his simulator record. Today, at twenty-two, he feels proud. Of course Keith would break the record. He’s the best pilot the Garrison has ever seen.

Keith and the Galra exit the simulator and he straightens his back as Keith spots him. Tries not to let his cheeks flush at the memory of Keith, in his lap, inside the cockpit of the Black Lion.

“James.” Keith says says as his eyes land on James. He sounds surprised.

“Iverson asked me to pass this along to you.” He says, holding the phone out to him.

Keith takes it, muttering a quiet “Thanks.”

“He said it’s connected to the other Paladins, and anyone else in the Garrison you might need to speak to. All the documents you need are on there too.”

Keith begins paging through the screen almost instantly and James sneaks a glance at the Galra by his side, her attention is also caught by the phone. She’s tall, a full head taller than he and Keith. But there’s something familiar in her eyes, the way her mouth is pulled into a scowl as she watches Keith with the phone.

Keith’s head jerks up after a second, like he’s just remembered something, he looks between James and the woman at his shoulder.

“James, this is my mom, Krolia.” He says after a beat.

James is sure his eyebrows are raised high enough to meet his hairline as he looks between the two faces.

_Of course._ He thinks. _They look exactly the fucking same. Right down to the mullet._

“Wh-what?” He stammers out.

Keith had told him his mom had abandoned him. That he’d never met her. Not that she was a giant purple alien from the same species who had taken over most of the universe.

The alien, Krolia, Keith’s mom, reaches out her hand for his. He gives it to her, her handshake is strong.

“Nice to meet you.” She says.

Just as curt as Keith. He thinks as she turns back to her son.

“I’ll see you later then.” She says, ruffling his hair quickly before taking her leave.

Keith’s hands immediately fly to fix his hair, a blush making its way up his cheeks as his eyes meet James’.

“Don’t you dare.” He says, but James is already laughing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You know, You being half alien kind of makes sense.” James says later. They’re in a new dorm room today, recently assigned to Keith. It’s slightly larger than James’. Probably the same size as an officers quarters. Leader of Voltron must come with some perks then. James had thought the first time he saw it.

They’re curled on Keith’s bed, James’ arm wrapped around Keith’s shoulders. Keith is fresh from a nap, James had been content to watch him sleeping, provide him a pillow in his arm. The doctors had said something about Keith needing sleep, still needing the time to heal. James hadn’t thought that it would mean four naps a day, but Keith looks brighter for it.

“Shut it.” Keith mumbles into his shoulder.

“No, really.” He says, shuffling them so that he can see Keith’s face. Keith’s eyes are still thick with sleep. James pushes down the urge to brush it out.

“I’ve always thought your eyes were… odd.” He finishes, finally settling on _odd_. Odd isn’t really the word he’d use to describe Keith’s eyes. Other wordly. Is the term he would use.

“Odd?” Keith asks.

“Yeah, they shine really bright at night. And even you must’ve noticed that humans don’t have purple eyes?” he says, remembering that night on the roof of their dorm. They must’ve been barely seventeen, passing a stolen bottle of vodka between them under the stars. He wants to say it was romantic, but in retrospect it was probably stupid. _Underage drinking, with a grieving teenager, on top of a roof with no fence?_ He’s lucky Keith hadn’t jumped or fallen off the building.

“They’re blue.” Keith counters. And James laughs.

“You keep telling yourself that.” He says.

Keith rolls away from him, taking the covers too, and reaches for his new phone.

James groans. He’s been glued to it all day.

Keith meets his gaze from over the top of the phone screen. “I have a lot of internet to catch up with.” he says.

“I think you mean conspiracy theories.” James retorts.

He lets Keith roll on top of him in revenge. He’s not that heavy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A few mornings later James wakes to soft light bleeding through the curtains and black hair in his mouth. He brushes it away gently, moving slowly so that he can see Keith’s face, soft in sleep. He wants to savour it. Before he tries to leave again, before he disappears again. Before he loses him to Shirogane, again.

He’s off duty today. A rest day, Iverson had called it. The Paladins, Keith specifically, wasn’t up to flying yet anyway, so neither of them had anywhere to be. The day stretched in front of him with endless possibilities. But all James can seem to think about is replacing the marks he left on Keith’s neck in the Black Lion.

An alarm breaks that thought. It’s the default one, _must be Keith’s phone._ He thinks as he reaches across Keith for the vibrating phone. He misses the first time, grabbing it the second time and dropping back into his spot next to Keith, pulling it in front of his face, squinting at the harsh back light.

He dismisses the alarm notification to reveal the full wallpaper. And he lets out a small gasp.

It’s a photo of him and Keith. The one he’d taken on Keith’s phone when he was showing him the camera, showing him what a selfie was. Because of course Keith hadn’t known what a selfie was.

“This word has been around for _decades_ Keith.” He’d said at Keith’s blank look. “You can’t use the trapped-in-an-intergalactic-space-war excuse for this one.” He’d added, before Keith could say anything. He’d watched smugly as Keith closed his mouth, glaring back at him.

The picture had been rushed, a little blurry. Keith’s eyes were trained on James’ face, in a, soft, look of adoration, while James looked into the camera.

His eyes flit to Keith and he almost drops the phone when he sees his eyes open, watching him.

“Did you see?” Keith asks, his face is open, honest. Not a hint of embarrassment. 

James meets his eyes, then looks back to the phone wallpaper. He rests the phone on his chest, turning to face Keith once again.

“So, it’s mutual then?” He asks. Because it’s not Shirogane’s picture on there. And it’s not the default photo either. Keith had wanted that photo. Keith had wanted a photo of him to be the first thing he looked at on the phone.

He watches as a small blush bleeds it's way into Keith's cheeks, watches as he avoids James’ gaze.

“It always has been.” Keith says. And it’s like the words have unleashed all the dopamine in his brain, and he gathers Keith up in his arms on top of him. His hand going to the back of Keith’s neck, fisting in his hair, as he guides him down into a kiss.


	7. Bright Eyes and Dark Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Seven: Garrison Days.  
> James tries to take Keith's mind off pilot error, with alcohol.

_It’s not a date._ James tells himself as he leads Keith up to the roof of their dormitory.

_It’s not a date._ He tells himself as he sits down on the edge of the building, his feet dangling off the edge.

_It’s not a date._ He tells himself when Keith slides into the space next to him, so close that he can feel the heat radiating from him.

The sun has long set in the desert, the Garrison lights have dimmed down too, allowing a clear view of the stars. James loves it up here at night. It’s quiet. So quiet he can think properly under these stars.

“Shiro used to take me stargazing.” Keith says quietly.

James feels himself freeze. _Well done._ He berates himself. _Bring him up here to distract him from everything, from pilot error, just to look at the stars that reminded him of Shirogane. The stars where Shirogane died._

He peers at Keith, his gaze still fixed on the night above them, out of the corner of his eye. He’s in his work out gear, the same one issued to all students for gym classes and physical examinations. Dark grey sweatpants hug the curves of his legs and the Garrison insignia shines over his heart, K. Kogane inscribed just above it. Now that he thinks about it Keith is always in Garrison issued clothes. He feels slightly uncomfortable in the denim jacket his mom had sent him for Christmas.

“I’ve missed it.” Keith says, stopping James' thoughts dead in their tracks. James watches as he tips his head back further, gazing into the endless night, the void lit by tiny beams of light.

“You two were close, huh.” He says casually. He’d read somewhere that talking helped with grief. Maybe Keith just needed to talk about his feelings.

Keith nods.

“Shiro saved me.” He says to the sky.

James doesn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t really know much about Keith. He’d transferred into his class in the 6th grade and James hadn’t paid much attention to him then. Keith hadn’t really bonded with the rest of the class. He’d thought Keith was a bit weird if he was honest. Always alone. Always causing trouble. Maybe he’d picked on him a little too.

They’d both been admitted to the Garrison, Keith on Shiro’s recommendation. He’d learnt little more about Keith in the five years they’d spent at the Garrison: That he was an orphan. A talented pilot. That he was good at maths, even better at science. That he and Shiro were fast friends. He’d been jealous of them, for a while. Jealous of Keith’s talent too.

Maybe if he’d put all of that aside they would have been friends sooner. Before all of this pain. Before Keith needed saving again.

“I’m glad.” He finally brings himself to say, and Keith, still staring at the sky, meets James’ gaze out of the corner of his eye.

He feels the heat rise in his cheeks. It’s like Keith can see right through him sometimes.

“I meant it when I said let’s be friends, you know.” He says quickly, trying to fight down the embarrassment. He reaches behind him for the bottle he’d brought with him, passing it to Keith first.

“Here.” He says.

Keith takes it, regarding it slowly before unscrewing the lid and taking a swig, his face scrunching up afterwards.

“Ugh, what is that?” He asks, passing it back to James.

“Vodka. I think.” He says, taking a sip of his own. It tastes like fire slipping down his throat and he cant help the bitterness shining through in his face as Keith muffles a laugh.

“I stole it.” He admits, and Keith laughs harder.

“You?” He asks, eyebrows raised behind his dark hair in disbelief.

“Yes, me.” James replies angrily, passing the bottle back.  _From my roommate_  he adds. His roommate had stolen it from Iverson's office, apparently. But he'll fill it back up with water after tonight and his roommate will never know the difference.

They trade a few more sips, laughing at the faces the other pulls after pulling the bottle from their lips. When it’s half empty James sets it down to his side. He feels loose. Open. Like anything could happen tonight. Keith is back to gazing at the sky, he seems happiest that way, and James takes a moment to look at his eyes.

Keith’s eyes look like they belong with the stars. They glow bright in the night, like the stars, like something inhuman. _Alien._ The drunk, tipsy? part of his mind supplies. They’re a dark blue. Purple really. _But no one has purple eyes._ The less drunk part of his brain says. Whatever they are, they’re otherworldly.

“I never knew my mom, you know.” Keith says suddenly. “Even she abandoned me.”

James goes still.

“Keith…” he begins. He doesn’t know where to go with this. Doesn’t know how to fix all of these wounds. The more he gets to know Keith, the longer he looks, the more cracks he notices.

“Shiro didn’t abandon you.” He says slowly.

Keith doesn’t answer.

“Do you think it hurt?” He says next. “When he died, when he crashed the ship, or whatever happened?”

James knows that it must have hurt. That death in space can be one of the most painful, the most brutal. It’s something that the Garrison hammers home. Space is dangerous. Flying is dangerous. You have to be sure that you want this to be your life. But he doesn’t say that to Keith.

“They say it’s instant.” Is all he can bring himself to say.

Keith reaches out for the bottle, and James passes it back to him wordlessly.

He takes another gulp when Keith passes it back. Letting the alcohol wash over him, letting the burn find its way into his stomach.

After a while Keith leans his full weight into James. _He’s drunk more_ , James thinks. He hasn’t been able to take the bottle back from Keith for a while now.

He blushes when Keith looks up at him, from where his head is perched on James’ chest. He’s looking at James the same way he had looked at the stars a few hours earlier. With awe, and wonder, and a hint of fear. And then he leans up, twisting slightly until his lips meet James’.

The kiss is messy. It’s James’ first. Probably Keith’s too. But he lets Keith in. It’s sloppy, and it tastes of vodka. But it’s Keith. And he feels like he’ll never be able to get enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! & thank you to my wonderful beta's for encouraging me to write this & making it the best version it could be [Talesofivylight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talesofivylight) and [MysticAsassin.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticAssassin)
> 
> Be sure to check out [my tumblr](http://havanarr.tumblr.com/) for more chapters, and don't be afraid to say hi!


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